Dear Amy: How should I react to some of the disconcerting requests for gifts and money when I’m invited to wedding parties, weddings, and baby showers?

I just received an invitation to my niece’s baby shower (my sister is her mom).

The number one request was a book instead of a card. Okay, fine, but he’s asking people to give him this, along with a gift.

He then offered guests to enter a raffle if they brought a package of diapers. This is in addition to the gift and the book.

Then he said to not wrap the gift and to send it directly to his house, so that he could visit his guests instead of opening these gifts in front of them (no, of course, because opening the gifts and acknowledging the people who gave them is tedious or carrying gifts home is annoying.)

At a friend’s daughter’s baby shower, I felt like I broke the rules when I gave her a gift that wasn’t on the list. This was in addition to giving a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift to someone I barely know.

Am I too sensitive because I got married in the courthouse and don’t have children?

Can I opt out of some of these events and send a not-so-extravagant gift?

Do I have to hold on, even though I think this trend continues to create greedy expectations for money that have very little to do with connecting with others?

– Insignificant?

Dear Petty?: Remember this: Anyone can ask for anything. Is a free country!

But receiving a request doesn’t obligate you to do anything about it except politely RSVP to an invitation.

In the Stone Age, when I was a mother-to-be, baby showers were held in someone’s living room; Gifts were opened in front of the guests and a parade of little onesies were displayed for all to appreciate. Guests were thanked and acknowledged at that time, and if the mother-to-be was intelligent and educated, a note was sent to each guest afterwards.

My knowledge of modern baby showers comes from some I’ve attended more recently, which are held in banquet halls and attended by dozens of women. Unwrapped gifts are placed on a table and guests collect their pre-printed thank you note as they leave the venue.

(I like the trend of not wrapping gifts at these big events, because of the waste.)

Registries can be extremely helpful (they tell you what the recipient wants or needs), but you are not required to purchase a gift through a registry.

Dear Amy: I need a gut check.

I have been with my girlfriend “Stella” for three years. We are in our twenties.

Estela is great. She is beautiful, affectionate and very nice. Everyone loves her. Me too.

The problem I have is that she is extremely gullible. She believes whatever conspiratorial nonsense that has recently appeared on her social media feed is hers. Most of this misinformation has to do with health-related issues, and as she follows and comments on it, she receives more information.

His latest comment is that he believes cell phones cause brain cancer.

She can believe what she wants, but now this is starting to interfere with my own life because she is trying to influence me.

I’m tired of this and am thinking about breaking up with her, but it seems like a trivial reason to break up with someone who is so good in every other way.

Can you comment?

– Bored

Dear Boring: What a person thinks – and how they think – is not a trivial matter. According to you, your girlfriend is also trying to control you.

Do you want to go through life having to defend your own rational decisions?

Would you like to have a family with someone whose views on health and wellness are so radically different from yours?

I sincerely doubt it.

Dear Amy: “Deceived in Illinois” believed her mother was manipulating her by asking her to take her to church.

My late mother wanted to be taken to church on Christmas Eve and I was too busy and selfish to notice.

She took her to my brother-in-law, who was divorced from my sister.

He understood! I will always regret that day.

-wanda

Dear Wanda: “Tricked in Illinois” describes a story of manipulation, but I hope she makes her decision based on your perspective.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)