I like to think of myself as a well-traveled Texan, but until a couple of months ago I had never been to the Houston Galleria. My previous trips to the Bayou City had revolved around exploring its renowned museums, sampling its cuisines from around the world, and enjoying the serenity of its manicured parks. So when I began my inaugural visit to the state’s largest mall (and seventh largest in the country) this spring, I expected to get lost in its labyrinthine abundance: four levels of shiny floors comprising 2.4 million square feet of shops, offices, restaurants, hotels, an ice rink and a rooftop tennis club.

What I didn’t expect was to become existentially lost. The Galleria has something for every taste and every budget, but as I wandered through the most luxurious stores and discreetly gawked at its elegant customers, I was not prepared to be so completely seduced by all the shiny things, nor to be seduced by all the shiny things. I was struck by the disturbing thought that perhaps I had done life wrong.

about seven miles West of downtown, the mall, along with its surrounding areas, also known as Uptown and the Galleria, feels like a world unto itself. In addition to luxury homes and sophisticated condominiums (and establishments designed to feed and entertain its inhabitants), Uptown includes 5 million square feet of commercial space and 23 million square feet of office space. And the epicenter is the shopping center, opened in 1970 and conceived by local real estate developer Gerald D. Hines. He modeled his spacious market after Italy’s oldest shopping center, Milan’s Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, a 19th-century glass-covered shopping arcade.

In preparing my visit, I trusted my reference authorities: the local people and the archive of this magazine. writing for Texas monthly In 1980, journalist Richard West compared the mall to an archaeological site that, if excavated, would “reflect only a frozen moment in history,” a notion delightfully confirmed by a text I received from a fortysomething friend and native from Houston: “The Galleria was the top. . . . It blew my mind as a preteen,” he wrote, adding, “First place I ever had a fried wonton with salad!” If the mall were Pompeii today, what would be forever commemorated is a modern cathedral that offers comfort in all its forms, from massage chairs and fast food to $75,000 watches and fresh fish flown from Japan.

Texas monthly Senior executive editor and Houston resident Mimi Swartz notes that the Galleria has long been “a barometer of Houston’s mental and economic state.” Put that way, I’m not sure what it means that the two most common responses I got when I asked several Houstonians what they thought about the mall, which attracts more than thirty million visitors a year, were: “It’s no longer as beautiful as before.” be” and “It’s too elegant.”

Personally, I was enchanted by the combination of Rodeo Drive and the Vegas Strip at the Galleria from the moment the automatic doors opened and the mall drew me into its fresh, fragrant embrace. Serenaded by a soft piano inside Neiman Marcus, I marveled at the Moët & Chandon vending machine filled with mini bottles (you buy a special coin to use them) and the old-school ladies’ luncheon and fashion show that takes place out near Vera Wang and Burberry. departments. In the mall’s hallways, amidst the bustle of happy shoppers, I was excited by the sheer variety of the four hundred or so stores. Chopard or Claire’s? Loro Piana or Forever 21? Or both?

The people watching are superlative: ice skaters indifferent to everything except the location of the next step; security guards on Segways; disgruntled children being pushed around in hireable prams designed to look like miniature Bentleys; office escapees running errands; and fashion-obsessed visitors with sequins and rhinestones, furs and leather, time of day and season be damned. The weather is always good inside this dream terrarium, where rich and plastic can mix in perfumed harmony.

My visit rekindled an interest in fashion that I thought had long disappeared. Passing backlit advertisements featuring luminaries like Gisele Bündchen and Bradley Cooper, I was overcome with a fierce longing to inhabit their rarefied air. Or just look like you do. I almost walked into Chanel (or Bottega Veneta or Carolina Herrera; any boutique would do), waited my turn in front of the red-roped posts with their black-clad guardians, and then bought whatever sartorial item I could afford, no matter how small. out. . And then I came to my senses.

Toward the end of my day at the mall, just as my watch told me I had taken almost 12,000 steps and felt like I had truly traveled far from my real life, a saleswoman at a kiosk stood in front of me. Me, waving a sample of skin serum in my face: “I had to stop you because I love the way you walk.” I must have carried myself with a newfound confidence. I had wandered around the mall many times empty-handed, but now a good-sized Neiman Marcus shopping bag hung elegantly from my arm. Who knew that it contained only a pair of jeans he had bought there, at a 40 percent discount?

I have done a lot in the service of journalism (I paddled with alligators, conversed with bats underground, floated down a river with college students), so I knew I could tackle the next stop on my Uptown itinerary: spending the night at a hotel with a helipad. And a bespoke automotive boutique.

For the full Galleria experience (i.e. the Uptown experience), spend a night at the Post Oak Hotel, conceived by billionaire Houston Rockets owner Tilman Fertitta six years ago and winner of numerous hospitality industry awards.

The elegant ten-acre property combines 250 rooms (including a two-story penthouse suite with a half-regulation-size basketball court); a turquoise pool heated to 86 degrees; a salon and spa offering a $1,300 Biohacking rejuvenation facial (“In the midst of the realm of Biohacking, a notable virtue emerges, especially in the realm of self-care”); and a collection of epicurean establishments ranging from a bakery selling what many say are the best croissants in Houston to a 30,000-bottle wine cellar. (Have you been looking everywhere for a Château Gruaud-Larose from 1825?)

I checked in and then sat in the lobby, soaking in the cold house music and gaping at the towering flower arrangements, each of which cost a modest mortgage payment. As I sipped a fruity pink cocktail served in a delicate hand-blown glass flamingo, I wondered if they would let me try the Curaçao blue Rolls-Royce on display at the end of the hall. I then headed to the elevators, dodging a luggage cart packed with Rimowa aluminum suitcases, and was escorted to my meticulously decorated guest room.

After a soak in a deep marble tub beneath a wall-mounted television, I approached the bed, trailing a cloud of Acqua di Parma, my path softly illuminated by the motion sensor light located somewhere next to the bed frame. As I settled into the five-hundred-thread-count sheets, I tried to diagnose the strange feeling I was having, a strange mix of delight, disgust, longing, and melancholy.

And then my eyes landed on my discounted matte silver Neiman Marcus bib paper bag with a message printed in elegant black font along the inside fold: “It’s what’s inside that counts.”

The Galleria Area Survival Guide

Where to eat

You’ll find plenty to keep you going inside the mall, from chain restaurants and the food court to sushi at posh Nobu and Indian in the impressive Musaafer. But if you need a little fresh air, Hugo Ortega Snail It’s just a third of a mile north, on Post Oak Boulevard. Less than a mile west, on a stretch of Westheimer Road populated by car washes and tattoo shops (no zoning, no problem) lies Artisanswhere you will find such fine dishes as a sumptuous trio of seafood: pan-seared scallops, blue crab wontons and lobster “cappuccino”.

Where (else) to buy?

Verify Uptown Parkan exclusive boutique complex (I loved the consignment items at the little bird and handmade jewelry High brightness), restaurants (Thai food in Songkran is top-notch), and the only US location of Rocambolescan ice cream parlor from the Spanish restaurant El Celler de Can Roca, awarded three Michelin stars.

If you want to buy, drop down and lie on the bed.

The Gallery has two Westin HotelsIdeal for those who want to visit the shopping center and never set foot on the property.

If you need some space

My room in the Tuscan-inspired hotel. Granduca Hotel, which has 122 suites and a pool area surrounded by cabanas, was larger than my apartment. The hotel will receive a $30.6 million upgrade this fall.

This article originally appeared in the May 2024 issue of Texas monthly with the title “It’s a shopping mall world in Houston.” Subscribe today.